404 Error: Page Not Found
Dear Sears
by Alex Higley
Dear Sears, Roebuck and Company,
I am using your full birth name, you dying magisterial silent bitch, now reduced to a series of barren gray-shadowed department stores, barren, you are flagging chatbots, you are error message, spam mail sale coupon everything must go everything has gone, you are dead dead dead dead, and if we are talking about how you are peopled it is by the down-the-middle shined and lifeless hangers-on, side parts and sensible footwear, First Communions, chaste dating, one abortion, missionary, Big Ten, possibly worse, capital T tradition, capital F, Full Idiot, the cult of the air-fryer and its attached pamphlet of gestures towards cooking, there are no recipes you can take credit for, and someone, here is my point, Sears, SOMEONE still active in your ranks, probably a work-from-home situation for the ashen fuck, has made the decision to discontinue my boots. Wolverine-branded yes but as the Wolverine chatbot told me:
this item was ONLY sold at
Sears. We do not have this
item in stock
oh wow
this item may be similar but
this item has a safety toe
This isn’t the case, the most similar item is actually the standard and famous Wolverine 6” Durashocks. Which by now I have ordered and equipped with my Dr. Scholl’s Plantar Fasciitis Pain Relief Orthotics but not yet worn. They are there by the side door that leads to my narrow driveway that leads to my detached garage. Outside my side door snow is gaining depth. I have other boots for such weather. I am not complaining to you. I am writing to say: stop making the easy decision. Sears. You. Stop making the easy decision. The swift, the responsible, the legible, you will not find basis for this approach in nature.
Thank you for your time,
Alex Higley
Alex Higley is the author of Cardinal (nominated for the PEN/Bingham) and Old Open. His novel True Failure will be published by Coffee House Press in 2024.